I’M THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO TALKS BIG ABOUT WANTING TO SEE A GHOST, BUT IF THE TRUTH BE TOLD, were I to actually, undeniably run into a ghost—eyeball-to-ghostly eyeball—I’d probably drop dead of a heart attack right there on the spot. I guess it’s a good thing, then, that I didn’t run into any ghosts on the RMS Queen Mary when taking the ship’s Haunted Encounters Tour.

The tour took us into the “most haunted” areas of the ship—the first class swimming pool and changing rooms, haunted guest rooms that could no longer be rented out due to paranormal activity (the ship still functions as a hotel, somehow), rusted-out boiler room, spooky old nursery—all with tales of woe robotically recited by a bored tour guide who looked like an extra from The Love Boat.

The massive old boat was interesting in itself — it began its days in the 1930s as an opulent oceanliner, shuttling the well-to-do back and forth across the Atlantic, wining and dining them all the way. Think Art Deco Carnival cruise. The Queen Mary featured huge indoor swimming pools (segregated by passenger class), salon, nursery, outdoor paddle tennis court, stores and banquet halls.

During World War II, the ship was painted naval gray and used to transport troops—as many as 15,000 men at a time—across the sea. Much faster than other ships of its day, its speed allowed it to travel unescorted and without a military convoy.

After the war, the ship was once again converted to a luxury liner, carrying up to 711 first class, 707 cabin class and 577 tourist class passengers—this thing was huge! She finally retired in the late ‘60s in Long Beach, where she rests today. Imagine all that she has seen in her long maritime life. No wonder she’s the perfect setting for ghosts of all sorts and sizes!

The tour took place in the dark, dank, spooky bowels of the boat, down narrow wooden stairs and across rusted walkways. Much of the tour was almost completely in the dark, save for some dim security lighting, which, along with the weird musty smells, added to the spookiness of the entire thing. The tour guide would take us to an area notorious for hauntings, regale us with a story about a WWII shipwreck involving the Queen Mary (yikes!) or a ghostly swimming pool (yikes again!) and we’d flash away with our digital cameras. (Let’s hope ghosts don’t mind flash bulbs.)

Unfortunately, our disinterested tour guide at one point lost about 1/3 of her tour participants—including me—and trust me, a ghost tour is not really something you want to get lost on. But obviously, I lived to tell the tale so it all ended up OK in the end.

So, to the burning question: Did I see any ghosts? Well, I didn’t see any transparent pantaloon-clad bathers or hear sounds of children skipping down the hallway, like I had hoped. But when I came to the haunted pool area, a horrible, putrid smell almost overwhelmed me the entire time I was there. As I was taking photos, I wondered why no one else seemed bothered by the smell. I came to find out later that they didn’t smell it. So that was weird. And when I reviewed my photos at home that night from the tour, there were orbs galore, especially in the pool area.

So. Ghosts, or lens dust? You be the judge:

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